Mother Hillary

Hillary Clinton is dull. In the best possible way. And that's exactly why she could win the next election. And also why she might be just the sort of president the country needs.

The past 6 years of Bush have been like staying with a crazy uncle while your parents go on a cruise.

He delights in telling you that the terrorists, er, boogeyman, does indeed live in your closet and will jump out and grab you the moment you close your eyes. He shouts BOO! every time you turn a corner, and rattles your doorknob while you sleep.

He tries to buy your friendship with promises of no chores, limitless junk food, all the X-Box you want to play and no consequences... but after awhile your clothes stink, you have to wade through pizza boxes and you've got a headache.

You get a sneaking sense of unreliability with everything he says, but after awhile you're too immersed in his world to escape. The paranoia and shifting sense of right and wrong creeps in, despite your attempts to hold it back. "Maybe the boogeyman IS trying to get me... maybe borrowing cable really isn't stealing... maybe playing video games and eating Doritos really IS good for me... Holy shit! Maybe he really DOES have my nose!"

After a few years of this, Hillary in the White House would feel like mom coming home.

Sure, mom still tells you lies, but they're the benevolent kind. The world is full of monsters, but she wants you to sleep at night and wake up ready to face them, not cower under your covers and spend your days paralyzed with anxious fear. She knows that there are things you don't want to do, and that you might whine and say you hate her, but she'll stand her ground because she wants what's best for you.

She returns you to sanity and familiarity. Sets you back on a positive path; a more mature and productive path. She smoothes your hair and reminds you that crazy uncle can be such a kidder... as she glares at him over your head. She won't let you play X-Box until your homework is done, chores are finished and you've eaten all your green beans. And you might resent it, for a minute, and it certainly doesn't make mom as enticing as crazy uncle, but it settles your mind and restores some order and routine in a chaotic world.

And order and routine... as well as sanity and some soothing... is exactly what this country needs right now.